Recently I was caught up in a relationship with a man who is eleven years older than me! Yes, I know that sounds beyond crazy. Although I didn’t mind the fact that he was older than me. It just means that either I am wise beyond my years or that he is in fact still a teenager at heart. Well the man that I was caught up with was very wise yet he still acted like he was 21 even though he was a month away from being 30 years old (yes, if you do the math that means that I am about to be 19!) I have always been attracted to men who are older than me, in high school I dated a guy the same age as me one time and that relationship lasted less than two days. I am a woman who knows what I like, and I like older men who don’t act as if they are older. The only downfall to our relationship was that we had to hide it. The only people who knew where Lindsay* and Kevin* my best friend and Edwards* best friend. Our relationship didn’t last as long as I would have hoped for, but along the way I grew more confident with the woman that I am and I feel as if I learned a lot about men.
Many women are tired of dating guys their own age because the men are only interested in sex, have no clue how to even treat a lady or they are way too busy trying to spend time with their boys and not disappoint their friends. That’s when you know it is time to start dating an older man. Even if only for a short time period, the experience you will gain will be none other than helpful. It will help you realize what you want in life and a relationship. Once you have been in a relationship with an older man, you may decide to never date people your own age again. At the very least, you will be better prepared to choose more wisely when it comes to finding your Mr. Right.
Before you head off to the golf course, upscale bar or online dating site, read these tips on how to find the right silver fox for you:
1. Make sure he is a good fit. Instead of being worried if you’re a good fit for him, make sure that he is a good fit for you. If you’re not compatible, accept it and move on. You’re too young to settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
2. Don’t be a trophy. Some men chase younger women as a way of making themselves feel younger or to stroke their own ego by bagging a young beautiful woman. Don’t ever assume that older men are different than younger men when it comes to using women as sex objects. Where do you think the guys your age get it from? Protect your heart and self-worth ladies. Don’t jump into sex or accept expensive gifts too quickly, you’ll know when the time is right.
3. Don’t assume he’s going to use you. Remember what happens when you assume ladies, you make an ass out of you and me! Although some older men treat their women as trophies, not all do so. Just as you’d do with a man your own age, choose wisely. Pay attention to the way that he is treating you and the language that he uses around you. A real man will treat you in the best way that he can to show his love for you.
4. Know your worth. You have more to offer than a rocking body. Just because a man is older and has more experience doesn’t mean he knows everything. You have life experiences and knowledge of your own that has value. Don’t be afraid to express your opinions or offer your own advice.
5. Call him out on his bullshit. BS is still BS no matter what your age. When your bullshit-ometer goes off, listen to it and call him out on it. Some men like to date younger women because they can be easier to manipulate, but most men will respect a woman who is confident enough to stand up for herself and not put up with his BS.
6. Make sure he’s NOT the jealous type. Jealousy needs to be left behind once you’ve graduated High School. Luckily, for the most part older men are not going to be as insecure as younger men. They understand that you have a life of your own to live, just as they do. However, if he is prone to jealousy or possessiveness, this will be a problem. I suggest that you both sit down and try to work this problem out, or just get out of the relationship all together.
7. Don’t assume he’s settled. Again, ladies never ever assume. Just because your man is older doesn’t mean he has settled down. A real man will show you that he is ready to be with a woman when he is good and ready. We ladies can’t always assume that we will be able to change a man. That’s really what makes them act so crazy. Some men are only good for fun. If that’s what you are looking for, then go for it and have a blast. If not, then don’t go past a couple of dates and DO NOT get attached. You’ll only set yourself up for heartache.
8. Don’t try to be his kids’ mom. They have a mom, and that isn’t what you signed up for. You aren’t playing house. Think of how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. You wouldn’t want some other (younger) woman trying to take the role of mom in your children’s lives.
9. Make sure you’re on the same page. Know how he feels on commitment and children. He may be ready to settle down and start a family, while you are just getting started as an adult and have no interest in settling down. Or, he may be at the stage where he has already been married, has kids and has no interest in ever getting married again. Get everything out on the table earlier than you normally would.
10. Don’t make jokes about his age. Men are just as sensitive to this subject as a woman is. You don’t want him joking that your butt looks fat in your jeans. So don’t joke around about his first gray hair.
11. Be ready for his baggage. Know what you are getting yourself into before you get in too deep.
12. Be respectful to his ex. She is not your competition or your enemy. He’s been there and done that and so has she. If this woman is an ongoing part of his life, then you need to be on friendly terms with her. Not only will she be less likely to make your lives less of a living hell, but she’s the best source for learning who this man is.
13. Don’t assume he’s wealthy or successful. If you are drawn to older men for the security they bring, don’t judge him by his expensive suits, watch or nice car/truck. More than likely he wasn’t born into money and he works hard for the nice things that he does have.
14. Don’t piss off his friends’ wives. For the love of all that’s holy, do not call them ma’am, do not flirt with their husbands and don’t dress too sexy, especially in the beginning. He wants to know that you will fit into his world. That includes his friends and their wives.
15. Don’t sacrifice your own goals. If he has the ability and desire to travel the world with a beautiful, young woman on his arm, that’s great for both of you as long as if doesn’t prevent you from accomplishing your own goals. If you haven’t finished college or are on a successful career track, you can’t afford to jet across the globe only to face the end of the relationship and find yourself in the same financial state you were in when you graduated High School.
16. Don’t let him be Daddy. Don’t even call him Daddy! It’s just weird and creepy. It is perfectly fine to allow him to take care of you to a point, but when he starts sounding like your father; it’s time to get out…and I mean fast.
17. Don’t let your friends make jokes about him. Your friends will have fun joking about ‘the old guy’, but do your best to nip this behavior in the bud. If you joke around behind his back, they will think you don’t care if they do it to his face. It’s rude and disrespectful and it won’t help your relationship.
18. Keep and open line of communication. Secrets don’t make friends! If you get into a long-term relationship with an older man, you will need to keep an open line of communication. The two of you are in different stages of life. He is already matured and pretty much settled. However, you are rapidly growing and changing. You’re coming to your own and finding your place in the world.
19. Have fun learning from each other. With a larger age gap come completely different life experiences. Enjoy teaching each other about new, interesting things.
20. Know when to say goodbye. If you realize in the beginning that you two are not going to be a long-term fit but decided to date anyway, know when it’s time to say goodbye.
Saying that ‘age doesn’t matter’ when you’re dating is ludicrous. Of course age matters, it’s how you handle the age gap that determines a respectful relationship. Dating an older man can be a wonderful experience if treated with dignity and mutual respect. There’s no reason a relationship between a younger woman and an older man can’t work out as long as both people are happy and enjoy each others company.
“Gatsby looked at Daisy the way that every girl dreams of being looked at!”
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.